Happiness Is...

Being able to wear boots and skinny jeans.  Now, I don't think that I am skinny, but the boots are a big deal for me.  For the past two years I have watched the cute trend of boots and jeans and had to sit out.  Because for some reason when I gain weight I hold a LOT of it in my short, stubby legs.  The only reason I had black dress boots for church this winter is because I found some with an extra zipper panel to accommodate the "athletic calf." (That was a genius marketing move, though it totally makes me laugh. The reason I need the extra 2" is because I am anything BUT athletic -- but who wants to buy a boot "for fat legs?")

I have known that I need to change my eating and workout habits for a long time.  Last spring I went through a bit of depression where I went around and around in my head trying to figure out if I was depressed because I was lazy, or lazy because I was depressed. It's an odd sensation to be in my head, watching myself eat things I shouldn't, watch the scale numbers go up and up, watching my friends and family have success with their weight loss and being genuinely happy for them, but not able to make any long term commitment myself.  I knew what I needed to do, I had the tools at my disposal, but it seems that I had to see that predetermined "maximum weight" on the scale before I was able to go for it.  I saw the number the week of Christmas, so I started January 1st.  And it's working.

The last few times I have had any success with losing weight I was part of a "Lose 10%" contest.  Plain and simple, you put in your money, you have 12 weeks to lose 10% of your body weight, and if you are successful you get your money back, plus a portion of the money forfeited by the people who were not successful.  The first contest was a piece of cake. My body responded to the exercises I was doing and the healthy diet changes. But my weight crept back up again and I found myself in the same position about two years later. But the next contest was a different experience.  The weight was not coming off like it did before. I was working out and eating right and I felt like I was having to scratch and claw for every tenth of a pound.  I made my goal, but barely. I had to do a juice fast the last weekend of the contest just to make it, but I had put so much work into it that I was NOT going to lose that money.  Three months later my hair started falling out as a result of the stress of those last weeks.  And needless to say, the frustration of the experience did not help the "good" habits to stick. All I wanted to do was eat food that made me happy and lie around.  I was almost rebelling against myself.  Which led to the depression issues, on and on and on.

So this time there is no "deadline."  I got an iPod Touch for Christmas and I downloaded the intelli-diet.  It is a fantastic little app that helps you eat right.  No fads, no calorie counting.  You input your weight, how much you exercise, and how many pounds you want to lose a week (up to two).  They give you a huge list of foods and you choose the ones you like to eat and it makes meals and snacks for you.  Its fantastic. And it works.  It focuses on healthy fats, whole grains, fruits and veggies, and lean proteins. There are of course no sweets on the plan, but I have allowed myself to eat those when I feel that I am struggling. And I am still losing weight.  I can't recommend it highly enough. Best $4 I ever spent.

I cancelled my gym membership and started the Couch to 5K plan that first week of January.  My fantastic neighbor, Michelle, allowed me to use their treadmill in their garage, since running in the cold and wet does not appeal to me at ALL.  In January I was struggling to run for two minutes at a time, but I am currently running over two MILES at a time.  My 5K is on April 9th and I know I will be ready. It may take me 40 minutes, but I will do it.  And my body seems to like the running. Even though I have slacked off on my workouts the days I don't run (the C25K program only has me running three days a week) I am still seeing success.  This weekend we even bought our very OWN treadmill! She's a beaut.

And here's the kicker. I am happy. Trying to lose weight is not all consuming.  I am not beating myself up if I don't do an ab workout.  The 5K on the calendar keeps me running every week, but I am finding that it's enjoyable.  I like setting a goal before the run and the sense of accomplishment when I reach it.  I will always be tempted to eat something I shouldn't (Hostess Cupcake, anyone?), and sometimes I will make the right choice and sometimes I won't.  But I am not going to panic about it.

 I am looking forward to my thighs not rubbing together when I walk -- someday.  And maybe even running a 10K -- someday. But for now I am just happy to be wearing cute boots.

It's ALIVE!!!!

So, August 29, 2009, huh? Nice.  I guess I took a blogging break.  I'm not entirely sure why I needed it, but I did.  I had to figure out why I was blogging. What I liked in other blogs.  Why so many of us have this need to put our lives out there for everyone to see.  And you know what I came up with after a year and a half? Absolutely nothing. I have some ideas:

I think that Facebook contributed to my lack of blogging in a big way.  Why spend an hour uploading deep thoughts with pictures when a 160 character witty comment will do?

I think my paper thin skin had something to do with it. I don't "do" confrontation and I was frustrated with strangers trying to take up debate with my thoughts.  For that reason, I may decide to disable comments. But I don't want to do that, so if you want to argue with someone, please go somewhere else. Like my banner says, this space is about ME.  No apologies. I reserve the right to delete comments if I feel like it. Deal with it.

I think my frustration with the "my life is perfect" blogs had something to do with it.  Those people who blog about how perfectly darling their children are and how crafty they are and how perfectly perfect their life is.  I am not those things.  Sometimes I have a good morning.  Sometimes I even do a craft or two. I read a blog recently where someone related blogging to "show and tell."  Most people just bring their shiniest, newest toy to the big event, ignoring all of of the well loved, worn out toys that really tell a story.  I was afraid that by displaying my "broken in" toys on the blog that I was portraying myself and my family in a less than ideal light, when compared to the other "still in box" toys that are out there on display.

So, as my first order of business, I am displaying an old, broken toy. I REALLY don't like snow.  I think it's pretty, I like it when it cancels school.  I don't like that it is cold, and that the cold turns to wet.  I don't like all of the special layers that are necessary just to go "play" in it.  I don't like driving in it and all of the Pacific Northwest drivers who THINK that they know what they are doing in this stuff. I don't like cleaning up the puddles on my floor after my kids track it inside.  Yes, this makes me a TOTAL lame-o mom.  My poor kids.  They will never learn to ski.  They will never have their mom drive them to the school parking lot to do donuts when there is no school.  I *WILL* offer to turn on the gas fireplace and play Rummikub. Does that count?

And so I don't end on a downer of a "welcome back" post, here are our most recent family pictures, taken by the fantastically fantastic Kamee June this fall when we ran away from home for a week to the beautiful fantasy land that is Southern California:

 I also have to give a shout out to Katrina Kirk who did my hair and makeup and made me look and feel like a movie star.