Solo and Ensemble

Yesterday I got to attend the regional solo and ensemble festival with three of my voice students. Their times were very spread out so I was able to spend the entire day listening to singers and watch the adjudicator give his critiques and suggestions. It was SO very fun. It really made me want to take a few lessons again and brush up on my vocal and teaching techniques. And it really gave me the bug for being more involved in community music and other things. Unfortunately I have to keep telling myself that there will be a time and a place for that and right now is NOT IT.

Both of my female students did extremely well. Especially considering that one of them has been told she is an alto her whole life and I had her singing a soprano aria (she isn't really an alto, btw). The other one started voice lessons a month and a half ago, but she had great instrument to begin with. They both got I-s. My male student is going on to compete at the state level in the Bass category. He went last year as a bass and got killed by the older, more mature boys (he was only a freshman last year) so this year we had him compete as a baritone (where I personally feel he sounds the best right now). But the adjudicator loved his lower notes, so we are going to have to really work to richen (is that a real word?) his lower register so he can compete with seniors who can really rumble.

On the exercise front, I can now get through "Start It Up" with only a few pauses, so I am going to move on to "Ramp It Up" tomorrow and see if I can continue moving in the right direction. For those of you who thought I was way overdoing it, you have to realize that the tape I was doing was a 25 minute tape of basic squats, lunges, plies, and stretches. I was just SO out of shape that I probably would have been in equal pain had I only done five minutes of the DVD. By day four I felt markedly better and today I am pretty much back to normal. Which means it is time to move it up to the next level. I have been doing pretty good on my eating. I am not depriving myself of anything, but I am trying to be very aware of what is going in my mouth. I have a protein shake for breakfast, a snack later (cheese, or crackers, or fruit), I have a normal lunch (sandwich with meat and cheese, carrots, or a salad with grilled chicken), then another snack (this is where I usually splurge and have a 100 calorie cupcake pack or a protein bar), and then I have a normal dinner with just normal portion sizes. So far, my milk supply is good. I am eight pounds away from my birthday goal. GO ME!!

Make. It. Stop.

I have re-begun my quest to be a size 6. Again. Hopefully for the last time. Today I remember why I didn't get very far last time. After Jaren was born I was so excited to reach the six week mark and start exercising. The possibility of being larger than a B cup (due to nursing) AND having a waist was just so appealing! But on day three it hurt SO bad to go up and down the stairs and I literally was afraid to carry my newborn downstairs because my muscles were so shakey. So, for the sake of my tiny child I abandoned my goals and decided that it would be more fun to eat and pack on five more pounds over the next six months.

Today is day three. Again my legs are so sore that I can't get up and down the stairs without a full series of stretches first. My "bum" muscles hurt when I lower myself into a chair. And I am still afraid to carry my son around because my arms are shaky. But I will carry on. With Advil as my partner, nothing can hold me back. My goal is to be down 10 lbs by my birthday (which is the first week of April). I have read where if you are nursing you aren't supposed to lose more than one pound a week and I certainly hope I can do better than that. Call me an impatient brat (which I am), but if I am going to starve myself (not literally -- but it sure felt like it yesterday) and be sore all day I sure as heck had BETTER lose more than one flippin' pound this week.

Even the icecream sundaes at Bunco last night didn't destroy me. I am still down a bit from yesterday. Woo hoo!! Sorry Bunco gals -- I think that for snacks in April (the month I host) we will be eating rice cakes and SlimFast. Sound good? ;)

Motherhood

Okay, I know I just posted last night, but I read this on my friend Emily's blog and I just had to put it on here. Emily is the mother of two darling little girls and is a stay-at-home-mom in Southern California. She was my roommate at BYU and was a screen writing major, so she has a way of saying things that I will never possess. I thought that her post came at a good time for me, as I feel I am in the trenches of the "stupid" phase. And the "four hours of sleep" phase and I need a little daily affermation that IT'S OKAY.

About a week ago, a co-worker of Brett's phoned me to ask a few questions about being a stay-at-home mom. She recently had her first baby, and is making the difficult decision as to whether or not she should stay home, or keep working. As I listened to all of her reasons, expectations, and fears, I tried to stay neutral and be as honest as I possibly could be. Bottom line is, I probably terrified her. For me, it's a no brainer, I really do strongly believe that moms (or dads) should stay home with their kids. I had children to HAVE them, to teach them, to introduce them to the world, to EXPERIENCE being a parent, to be there for every little tragedy and victory that occurs on a daily basis. Mostly though, I realized one thing early on - nobody will care for your child the way that you would. Even if they are the best nanny/day care worker/relative (of whatever degree) on the planet, they're not you. Being a mother every hour of every day has definitely been the best thing I have ever done. It is the most rewarding job a woman could ever have. I really believe that. It does, however, have a definite down side.

First of all, there are no quarterly reviews. Nobody pulls you in to say, "Thanks, great job, we're giving you a raise and a promotion." Very rarely do people SPONTANEOUSLY say thank you, except for your husband (if you have a good one, which luckily, I do). Usually "thank you" only occurs after repetitive prompting. Even when you're children get better at it, the really heartfelt expressions of gratitude will probably not occur until they have kids of their own. Secondly, there are no coffee breaks, no lunch breaks, and you don't get to punch out at five o'clock. In reality, being a stay-at-home parent is a RELENTLESS task. There is ALWAYS something, or someone that needs your attention. I'm not saying that you NEVER get to take five minutes and read a book. I'm just saying that you RARELY get the opportunity, and it's usually at the expense of something else. Thirdly, your co-workers never surprise you with a birthday cake in the break room. If there is a birthday cake anywhere in your future, you will bake it. Lastly, you get stupid. The lack of adult conversation, knowledge of current events, sleep deprivation, and constant multi-tasking, eventually erode your brain. It's sad, but it's reality. The good news is that mothers' brains, much like lizards' tails, seem to regenerate themselves once their kids get older. Your flabby stomach, however, is entirely up to you and will do nothing to repair itself on its own.

Speaking of flab - I have to say that as I spoke to this woman, who seemed amazed at my ability to handle two children (let alone one) I suddenly felt strong, brave, and empowered beyond belief. I realized that as my mind and body have grown a bit mushy, my resolve has been sharpened to a steely point. There is nothing that I can't accomplish! There is nothing left to fear! Any foul and hideous smelling liquid (or solid for that matter) that can be secreted, or expelled with force from the human body - holds no horror for me! I'm never woozy at the site of blood, I once stuck my hand into the toilet to retrieve a toy that was resting on a bunch of you-know-what without flinching. My emergency response skills can rival any trained EMT. Not only can I survive off four hours of sleep, I can maintain sanity, quell arguments, avert disasters, heal owies with magic kisses, and repair princess dresses. I am a force to be reckoned with. I am a mother.

At the end of this conversation, I told this woman what I would tell anyone faced with the same decision. Just be the best mom you can be. Be honest with yourself about what that is, and don't feel guilty by comparison. Feel guilty if you're doing a cruddy job and need to re-evaluate, but never feel badly because you're not quite June Cleaver. Whenever I'm overwhelmed, exhausted, or just want to lock myself in the bathroom with a bowl of cookie dough leaving my children to their own devices - I try to think of the amazing things that have happened over the past few years. One of my most vivid memories of my oldest daughter involves being in a store with her and my husband when she was around 18 months old. We were waiting in line, and my husband was holding her. She was smiling and laughing when she suddenly cuddled into her dad, snuggling her head into his chest, and said, "Happy...happy." That's what it's all about.

It Might As Well Be Spring

Look what I have poking out of the ground in front of my house!!! Well, besides weeds. It's my bulbs. I absolutely love this time of year. Today our weather was in the 60's. The sun was out for most of the day and it just made me feel "light." I have daffodils and tulips and crocuses making appearances all over my flowerbeds. I am excited for them to bloom and fill my yard with color. The nice weather even meant we could finally get the Christmas lights down. Woo hoo!! We are no longer the trashy house on the street!

My mom and sister came up today to hang out before my mom had to go back home and return to her regularly scheduled life. It was fun to see them. She brought the girls little Spring goodie bags. The girls were in heaven with their flower headbands, bubbles, and colorful socks. Both girls insisted on wearing the socks to bed.

Tomorrow I 'get' to sing in church. It's been a while since I have sung in sacrament meeting. When I was in charge of choosing the music I never scheduled myself. I will be singing "Consider the Lilies." Unfortunately I can't find my solo arrangement, so I have to sing the choral version -- meaning I have to sing a high G. Here's hoping I don't get the cold the girls are coming down with.

And because I can't seem to get enough of my little guy, here's a darling picture I got today. I love his rosy little cheeks and his "just woke up" expression.

Dinner and Movie

My steaks turned out FANTASTIC. And the girls were thrilled to have an almost all pink dinner. I don't know what we will do when Jaren is old enough to realize that pink is for GIRLS. Yuck. Notice that Brian and I even ate on the fancy china. Oooooh....

And for your viewing enjoyment, here is Jaren being VERY cute. He has started shaking his head back and forth like he is saying no. I was trying to get him to do it for the camera. Notice the soggy biter biscuit on his shoulder. I think I am going to put those things in my 72-hour emergency kits. The way they adhere to skin and clothes when wet I'm positive they could probably bind wounds and patch tents. I practically had to scrape it off of his face.

The movie is longer than it needs to be. So after he does his trick you can stop watching it. I haven't figured out how to edit them down yet.

I Love You!!

Happy Valentines Day!! It was a rough night, but hopefully the day will be cheerful, restful, and full of love. Tonight I am making pink heart shaped pancakes for the girls for dinner, with pink scrambled eggs, and pink juice. And maybe bacon. But I won't color that pink. ;) Then after they go to bed I have steaks and twice baked potatoes, veggies, and cherry cheesecake for Brian and I.

Joelle's V-Day party was yesterday and she had a great time. I got to go help with this party and it was fun to see all the little kids. Most of whom couldn't care less about Valentines Day, they were just happy there was a party. Fast forward to Jillise who despite a crappy night (she woke up at 3:30 and was cold -- I told her that she knew how to fix that problem -- I am not very cordial at 3:30 in the morning -- and so she came into the computer room and was playing Noggin.com!!) bounded into my room at 7:00 yelling, "Happy Valentines Day!!!" She was so excited to bring cookies and all of her Care Bear valentines to pass out today. I got each of the girls princess snow globes and they were SO excited. Jillise hated to leave hers home to head off to school.

So now it is 8:30 and I am going back to bed. Happy Day to me! I was up every hour with at least one of kids all night and I had HAD it by 4:30. I told Brian that he had better take care of his screaming son before I killed someone. Did I mention that I am not very cordial at 4:30, either??

Houston, we have a TOOTH

Halleluia, Jaren has a TOOTH. This kid has been teething for months. I am thinking he must have gums of steel. And he can't just cut the NORMAL bottom, middle teeth. Oh, no. My child has to go above and beyond, cause himself extra pain, and wake up several times a night to tell me how miserable he is. His first tooth is a bottom right incisor. From the looks of it, the other three bottom teeth will follow shortly. No wonder he has been so drooly and crabby. OUCH.

***Update*** Upon closer inspection, BOTH of the incisors have cut through, and one of the two middle teeth has a little white head on on the gum, so that should come through shortly. Could this possibly mean a full night's sleep is on the horizon for me??