I Did It!!

I survived as a single mom for 12 days. Last Thursday Brian left for St. Louis. His brother got married on Friday, then Brian hung out with his family for a week and then attended the NCAA Midwest Regional games this past weekend. It was a LOOOOONG 12 days, but I must say that I am quite proud of myself. I instituted a new chore chart and system that has really helped the girls stay on task and keep the house more organized. Brian is not returning to a spotless house, but he is returning to one that is better than when he left!

I tend to lose my temper very quickly when I have been a single parent for more than a couple of days, so I tried really hard to keep things fun and to cut everyone some slack. I did have to raise my voice a couple of times (it really frustrates me when I will ask the girls to do something and they will blatently refuse) and I am not waiting by the garage door, ready to hand off a child as soon as he walks in the door. This is a big accomplishment for me. Usually when I know he will be gone for a while I run off to my parents' house so I have some help and support. But life is getting busier and I have more responsibilities so that option isn't always available anymore.

And to be fair -- thanks to the wonderful people who helped to entertain the kids in church, who babysat so I could attend Bunco and go shopping without three "helpers" and who called to check on me and give me some adult conversation. This week helped to remind me that I have the best KIDS in the world, and the best FRIENDS in the world. MWAH!!

It's a BUNCO MIRACLE!!

Okay, not really a miracle. But it was really funny. To give you a little bunco background, each table plays with three dice and each round you are going for a certain number (1s,2s, etc). You are partners with the person across from you and you just take turns rolling and if you get one of the numbers of that round you keep rolling, if not, you pass the dice. You get one point for each target number. If you get all three dice showing the target number, it is called a bunco and you get 21 points. Easy, huh? That's why we love bunco. We can play and still carry on conversations about whatever we want to talk about. Well, most of us can. Right, Jenn? ;)

Anyway... last night my partner and I were at the head table and the round goes until a team at the head table gets 21. My partner and I needed one more four to win. So I closed my eyes and jokingly said, "I am visualizing FOURS" and I rolled a BUNCO of fours! Right now I am visualizing a million dollars...

Pointless post, I know. But I had to write it down so I would remember. Last night was my best night of bunco EVER. I only lost once in the first half of the night. The second half I only won five times (out of 12). Still didn't get a prize. Next month it is at my house. You know what that means -- DEEP CLEANING. Woo hoo!!

Happy

Just had to share this pic of my very happy boy yesterday. He really has been so much fun lately. We have even ventured out on shopping trips because I am not afraid of him having a meltdown in the middle of the store. Now if I could only feel that optimistic when I bring my girls. ;)

Top Ten Names

A high school friend sent me this. I thought it was funny. Maybe those of you agonizing over the name of your next child can get some inspiration:

1. YOUR REAL NAME:
Paige Leanne

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME (first 4 letters of real name plus izzle)
Paigizzle

3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME (fav color and fav animal):
Red Otter

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME (middle name, and childhood street)
Leanne Decatur

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 3 letters of mom's maiden name)
Engparog

6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME (2nd favorite color, favorite drink):
Green Lemonade

7. YOUR IRAQI NAME (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, any letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of you dads middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, last letter of your moms middle name):
Agnovme

8. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME (grandmother/grandfather's first name):
Retta Carleton

9. YOUR GOTH NAME (black, and the name of one your pets):
Black Kramer

10. YOUR PORN STAR NAME (One of your pets names, and a street you've lived on)
Molly Lee

Results

I would just like to say that in the three days since I have been giving Jaren bottles he has been a new baby. He is sleeping better, he is happier (MUCH happier) when he is awake, and I have been much less stressed. It could just be a coincidence, but I think that he probably enjoys having a full tummy. I have nursed him at night these past two evenings but I think I will replace that feeding with a bottle soon. Thank you for all the emails and comments of support. I find it amazing how neurotic I get sometimes when it comes to being a mom. Little things become SO huge in my mind and it seems as if that problem is a matter of epic porportions, when in reality it is just a blip on the screen of life. I think all moms need friends who can keep them grounded and things in perspective. Love ya!

End of an Era

I brought Jaren to the doctor yesterday to have a little problem checked out. While we were there they weighed him and he came in at 18 lbs, 5 oz. Which I thought was great, until I put it on the chart and realized that he has dropped from the 60th percentile at birth to down in the 20s. I think I may have been unintentionally starving the kid these past few months. Maybe that's why he's been so crabby. I never had a problem with nursing and my girls. They just packed the weight on and we joked that I made half and half instead of milk. Jaren's feedings have been really short, but he never acted like he still wanted more. I figured we were just really efficient. My girls were fast eaters, too. I think that he was just getting enough to not feel hungry anymore but he wasn't full. And he wasn't getting what he needed to continue to grow.

I decided yesterday to just wean him to formula. I have been contemplating this move due to my lack of weightloss but I didn't want to quit for selfish reasons and short change him. But now I think that to keep feeding him and not know how much he is getting is probably harming him. Now I will be able to monitor how much he gets. Maybe he will be a happier kid now. It was really emotional (surprisingly so) last night when I nursed him before bed. I mentioned how I felt that my bonding had been different with him and now we will lose this closeness. I also realized last night that after going almost 18 hours without nursing him (we started formula yesterday morning) that I wasn't engorged or anything. I know that he has been getting SOME milk, but evidently my body slowed down production a long time ago. I think this is the right decision. It just makes me sad. Jaren is quite possibly my last baby. That means no more nursing, no more little clothes, no more "firsts." It just hit me that we are ending the baby era and moving on.

Silly Kids

I was reminded by a friend that I should be writing down the funny things my kids say and do because I won't always remember them later. Even when I think I will never forget. So here are a few:

Jaren is OBSESSED with taking off his socks. I am positive that he sleeps worse on nights where he has on sweat pants and socks (instead of footie jammies) because he feels compelled to rip his socks off in his sleep. And once he gets the socks off, he sucks and chews on them so I can't put them back on, I have to go find a clean pair. Some mornings I will get him up and there will be four or five different, wet socks in his bed because I went in there in the night (in my half awake stupor) and put new socks on his freezing feet without fishing around in the dark for the old socks.

Joelle thinks that the funniest thing in the world is the AFLAC duck. She finds ways to work the word AFLAC into daily conversation. The other day Brian had put them to bed and he was laying on their floor "resting." I walked by the girls' room and said, "Goodnight Girlies" and kept walking. Brian said that Joelle sat up and said, "AFLAC??" She is so funny sometimes.

Jillise got jealous that the screensavers on my computer had been of Jaren and Joelle lately, so she devised a "plan" where the kids rotate being the screen savers. And having the steel-trap mind that she has, she woke up Sunday and came to me and said, "Today is the day that you have to take a picture of me for the computer. It's my week." Hence the pictures on the post below.

Some Pictures

I have been in a photo mood, so here are some random pics of the kids:

Blowing bubbles with the big bubble wands.



Jillise, Natalee, Carlee, and Joelle on their little play date. They were SO giggly!



Jillise wanted her picure taken so she could be the wallpaper on my desktop. Here are some of them:







Here is a cute one of Jaren. I like the shadows on his face.



And a picture of Joelle in one of her very colorful outfits. I love her bright blue eyes!

I'm Moving to Arizona

No, not really. But after the horrible night's sleep I had last night (thanks to Daylight Savings Time) I am seriously considering it. First, I couldn't fall asleep because my body thought I was INSANE for going to bed at 9:15, then I was tossing and turning all night with those crazy realistic dreams that could totally happen. I was way stressed out in my dream, running around trying to find sitters for kids and I woke up needing a nap. I woke Jillise up for school and she got mad at me for waking her up so early! I'm the meanest mom in the whole wide world.

Jaren had a horrible night, too. His front bottom teeth have finally OFFICIALLY made their appearance. Those points I saw weeks ago went back down. But he must be ready to pop out more because he is still incredibly crabby and not sleeping well at night. I feel so bad for this kid. I came to the realization last night that I haven't really bonded with him as much as I had with the girls at this point. And it kills me to say it. But he has been a difficult child. Don't get me wrong, when he is happy he is SO sweet and cuddly and fun. But it took a while to have many happy days. And unfortunatly, his third-child-ness has made it difficult to enjoy some of those times because we are out and about. And I think that some of it may be that I teach piano and voice lessons in the afternoons, but that is only for an hour and half or two hours a day. I don't think that has affected things TOO much. Ugh. I don't know. I love my son. Don't get me wrong. But his infancy has been a blur and most memories are of him crying inconsoleably. It kills me that I can't help him feel better. And the saddest part is that most of the time I don't even try anymore. When he starts to cry or fuss and it goes on for more than a few minutes I just put him in bed and leave him there. I will go back in to give him a binky or to try to calm him down, but usually he just has to work it out. I hate that my memories of his babyhood are bad ones. And maybe my outlook will change with more sleep and more "happy days," but at this point I am not holding my breath.

Sorry this turned into a downer. This has just been on my mind alot lately and there isn't anything I can even do about it so I had to just get it out there.

Visiting Teaching

In our church the women have a little method for looking after one another. It's called Visiting Teaching. We are all paired with another sister and we are given a route of a few other women that we are asked to visit with once a month. We have a spiritual message that we bring to share, but we often chat, talk about kids, and catch up. Our visiting teachers are women we can call on at any time to help us when we need it and it is a great blessing to know that they are out there. I have had some great visiting teachers in my life and I am trying hard to be one myself.

Visiting teaching isn't supposed to be a "chore" but I think that all of us have felt at some time or another that it is just one more thing on our "to do" list, even though once we are out and doing it we feel great. My cousin sent me this link to a movie a ward put together about visiting teaching. It totally cracked me up. It is kind of sad how many times I thought, "Uh, oh. I think I have done that before!!"

Friday

Okay, I am sitting here, the girls are downstairs quietly watching a movie, Jaren is asleep, my house is as clean as it's been in a while and I want to blog. I have nothing to talk about. So you get to hear about my really great day!

Jillise had a friend over after school today. It was so fun! Natalee was in her preschool class and her mom and I always said that we should get together but we never did. But now they are in the same kindy class and we have finally made good on our promise. The girls got along great together and it was so cute to watch them play. Natalee's sister Carlee is Joelle's age and she stayed for a while, too. It is almost LESS work for me when my kids have friends over because they play with each other and only come bug me when they want food! LOL Anyway...

Natalee's mom is so very fun and I'm sad that we didn't meet up last year so I could have gotten to know her way back when. We have similar family values and our kids have lots in common. She takes photographs (really GREAT photographs: check out her blog) and I can't wait for her to take our family pictures later this Spring when the weather decides to stop being so yucky. AND it's great to have another friend with GIRLS. It seems that 95% of my friends have little boys the same ages as my girls. No offense to all my wonderful friends with darling, handsome little boys. But none of them seem really thrilled to come over and play with Barbies and Polly Pockets. My girls still enjoy playing with them, but it cracks me up to listen to the wagering that happens before they play. It usually sounds something like this:

Jillise: Let's play Barbies.
Boy: No, I want to play dinosaurs.
Jillise: But there aren't any dinosaurs where the Barbies are.
Boy: Okay, let's play pirates.
Jillise: But we don't have any pirate clothes.
Boy: You can play with the Barbies and I will be a pirate who comes to kidnap them...

So anyway -- I had fun today. And it is nice to have a reason to panic and get my house clean. I think Brian wishes I had company over ALL the time.

And in the weight loss corner, I am close to being down another pound. I am a bit obsessed right now and I weigh myself every day. So far things are still moving in the right direction. I am a very fair weather friend with this type of thing and when results stop or slow down I tend to lose interest. So help me out -- if you see me chowing down at Micky Ds or enjoying the malted milk balls a little too much at Bunco this month tell me to walk AWAY from the dessert dish. Thank you for your support.

Sweetest Thing

Is this not the cutest? Jillise drew this for Brian while they had their "Daddy Daughter (and Jaren) Day" on Saturday while I was gone. Brian is a little miffed at his lack of hair (the hair he DOES have was added after he asked Jillise where his hair was). But I love the blissful look on the girl's face. I thought it was very cute. Joelle has also started showing her artistic talent. I will have to round up one of her pictures to scan in. I tell you, Joelle is smart as a whip, but she will only show you on HER terms.

And in other news, Mother Nature has it in for me AGAIN. This is day #2 of "two-hour delay/no a.m. kindergarten. I have a wet dusting of snow on my grass. Doesn't the district know that I have errands to run?? Errands that are no fun/crazy to do with three kids in tow?? I am just keeping my fingers crossed that this blows over and there is ballet this afternoon. It is NOT my week to drive and I have things to do, people to see!! *sigh*