No, not really. But after the horrible night's sleep I had last night (thanks to Daylight Savings Time) I am seriously considering it. First, I couldn't fall asleep because my body thought I was INSANE for going to bed at 9:15, then I was tossing and turning all night with those crazy realistic dreams that could totally happen. I was way stressed out in my dream, running around trying to find sitters for kids and I woke up needing a nap. I woke Jillise up for school and she got mad at me for waking her up so early! I'm the meanest mom in the whole wide world.
Jaren had a horrible night, too. His front bottom teeth have finally OFFICIALLY made their appearance. Those points I saw weeks ago went back down. But he must be ready to pop out more because he is still incredibly crabby and not sleeping well at night. I feel so bad for this kid. I came to the realization last night that I haven't really bonded with him as much as I had with the girls at this point. And it kills me to say it. But he has been a difficult child. Don't get me wrong, when he is happy he is SO sweet and cuddly and fun. But it took a while to have many happy days. And unfortunatly, his third-child-ness has made it difficult to enjoy some of those times because we are out and about. And I think that some of it may be that I teach piano and voice lessons in the afternoons, but that is only for an hour and half or two hours a day. I don't think that has affected things TOO much. Ugh. I don't know. I love my son. Don't get me wrong. But his infancy has been a blur and most memories are of him crying inconsoleably. It kills me that I can't help him feel better. And the saddest part is that most of the time I don't even try anymore. When he starts to cry or fuss and it goes on for more than a few minutes I just put him in bed and leave him there. I will go back in to give him a binky or to try to calm him down, but usually he just has to work it out. I hate that my memories of his babyhood are bad ones. And maybe my outlook will change with more sleep and more "happy days," but at this point I am not holding my breath.
Sorry this turned into a downer. This has just been on my mind alot lately and there isn't anything I can even do about it so I had to just get it out there.
4 comments:
boy do i feel for you today missy :( you know what...you are a great mom and your little baby is ONLY six months old so you have lots of time to "catch up" with him....having had a tough baby myself (twice) i can honestly say that when it is bad...it is really bad...but when it is good....it is REALLY good....so hang in there sweetie and when you need help you just holler...i absolutely ADORE your girls and had so much fun with them on friday!! :)
I can say similar things about our experiences with Payton as a baby. He was a crier, a whiner . . . but then one day he miraculously snapped out of it and became a fun, happy kid that we actually enjoyed being around (not so nervous anymore about when the next meltdown was going to occur). I'm sure you'll get there soon!
Hang in there Paige! I feel that in a lot of ways I spent more time dealing with "building-our-house" and fighting the "mold-in-our-house" days than actually enjoying Zachary as an infant, but yet I still feel that I ended up bonding with him a long the way. I can't say for sure when I stopped feeling so guilty, but it eventually got to the point where I just didn't feel that way anymore. The bonding will take place in it's own time, and I'm sure there is more of one than you can even realize right now. Jaren is fine, and I know that he has an incredilbe mommy to thank for it! Colic is not an easy trek for ANYONE, and yet you have handled it wonderfully. So hang in there and focus on the progress you have made, and I'm sure in time all the guilt will be replaced with peace that will eventually come from him just growing out of the crankiness. When you are in the middle of it all, it feels like it will never change, but time is on your side and eventually this will get much easier. Make sure and get enough "YOU" time in though. I used to be really bad at that until I realized that without it, I felt more negative about life and those feeling just flooded into our daily routines. Having something to look forward to that is yours and yours alone (without any guilt) will help keep you sane. You are amazing on so many different levels I wouldn't even know where to begin...your family is so blessed to have you. Don't you ever forget that.
I feel your pain about day light savings time. IT SUCKS. as for infancy, I really haven't had one that age in such a long time I cannot remember, but I did have one with colic and that was enough for me. Good luck with the teething.
Post a Comment