What's Your Motivation?

My friend Lara asked me to expand on my weightloss motivation. Three words: Girls' Camp Slideshow.

Do you ever look at yourself in the mirror in the morning and think that you really don't look half bad? Hair is cute, clothes are clean, skin is not looking like that of a teenager in heat. You may know that you have some extra pounds you are carrying around, but all things considered, you look pretty good. Then you see a picture of yourself taken that very day and it sucks the breath of life right out of you.

This was me at camp. I know that camp is camp. I made a concious decision at that at camp I was going to go makeup free. I feel very strongly that our teenagers need to know that while makeup may be used to enhance their beauty, they should never feel ashamed or embarrassed to be seen without it. So I was going to use camp as my opportunity to show that I am not ashamed to go without makeup. I kept my face clean. Due to the hot weather and lack of shower time I usually kept my hair in a pony tail. I made a different cute "bandana" to wear in my hair each day so I wouldn't have to deal with it. Again, my attempt at showing that you don't have to be high maintenance all. the. time. Especially at camp.

Fast forward to the last night of camp when they are showing the slideshow montage of camp. And there is me. Oh. My. Goodness. Not only is my face shiny from the heat and lack of makeup, my pulled back hair just emphasizes my "fuller" cheeks. Put me next to the three skinny minny members of the Stake YW Presidency and you have a collision with reality.

I don't FEEL thirty four. I don't FEEL 30 pounds overweight. But boy do I look it. In that flash of a picture (or four) in the slideshow I saw myself how other people must see me (maybe not friends, but strangers and those I don't know very well, and certainly the YW who see me only a few times a year). I don't look like the cute, funny, understanding leader that you want to be like when you grow up. I look tired. So I am on a quest to make my outside match how I feel on the inside.

So I joined this weightloss challenge. The contest itself doesn't start until tomorrow, but I have been going great guns since last Tuesday. Why wait? I have my weightloss chain on my fridge still. I had to add a few links to it from when I made it in February (Grrrrrrrr....), but I have been able to remove three of them already. In reflecting on my "rut" of the past nine months, I think that much of it stems from my weight. Frustration with myself for letting it get this bad after all the work I did two years ago. Disappointment with my lack of self control. Self esteem issues when I hang out with a group of women and realize that I am "the fat friend." And just general physical malaise because being out of shape makes you feel crappy. It was a horrible downward spiral that I was stuck in. The worst part was knowing what I needed to do to make it better, but not having the willpower or energy to make it happen. I tried a few times and was sidelined a few weeks in by one thing or another. This time I WILL succeed.

I am still all for no makeup at camp. But I think I'll be more careful before going to the store without it. ☺ So, onward and DOWNWARD. As Brian keeps reminding me, it's a marathon, not a sprint.

***And by the way, this post is in NO way looking for ego stroking, should you be feeling so inclined.

Hello???

Is this thing on? Is there anybody left out there who checks this thing?

Needless to say, I have been a crappy blogger lately. I don't even know why. I still love reading blogs. I still take pictures of things with the thought that it will make a good blog. I just never actually sit down and do it. Life hasn't even been that busy. Just full.

In the past three months we have had four birthdays. Jillise was baptized. I went to Youth Conference and Girls' Camp. We took a trip to Idaho for Brian's sister's wedding. We had a vacation on the coast. School got out. We got gerbils. The girls passed a level of swimming lessons. Brian got a new calling. Again. We have had a heat wave. I have joined another "lose 10% of your body weight or lose your money" challenge. Brian was on antibiotics for a "very angry toe." Jaren has become a very funny little man. I choral directed a musical. The girls danced in a ballet recital. Brian went golfing with my dad. And all the other "normal" things that go on around here.

Some of these things really do need a blog post. Jillise's baptism and our family trips, for sure. I don't know that Brian's toe needs any more attention than it has received already.

I do hope to get back on here. Maybe now that I have taken the first step there will be more. I keep getting less than subtle hints from Terica that I need to update this thing more often. I think the past few months have been an interesting time for me. Lots of changes. There seem to be a lot more things that demand my time and I have less time to dedicate to "me." My calling has certainly kept me busy since the start of the year. I love love LOVE what I am doing, but it requires quite a bit of time on the computer organizing, typing, emailing, and printing. I am trying to spend more time doing things with the kids this summer, instead of just hanging out around the house. During the school year I teach 16 piano/voice students. There is always something more I should be doing around the house, though I have been doing a good job of keeping the "public" areas clean. I don't know. When I get "free" time I tend to just do NOTHING. I have told a few people that I just feel like I am in a rut. Like I know I am on the brink of big things and big changes. Big possibilities. But I can't bring myself to just go for it. Part of me is just being stubborn and lazy and not doing ANYTHING. I think I am coming out of that. This diet challenge has gotten me exercising and eating better. I am excited about the school year when both girls will be in classes all day and I have six hours with Jaren to play, go on little outings, and go into town. For the past five years our lives during the school year have rotated around SOMEONE being in half day school - whether preschool or kindergarten. It is really hard to get much of anything done when you only have 2.5 hours to do it in. Add Jaren's nap to that and I was practically homebound.

So. How's that for a welcome back blog post? I don't even know if it made any sense. I rarely understand myself, so if any of you see anything in there that resonates with you, feel free to let me know what it is. I can use all the help I can get. :)

Sunday Stations

Let's see if I can remember how to post from this thing...

My cousin posted this idea on her blog a few months ago, and she got the idea from the Friend. We tried it today and it was a smashing success.

SUNDAY STATIONS!

This was a great way to have an organized, productive Sunday afternoon. Once Jaren went down for a nap, we set up four areas. The girls spent 15 minutes in each area. In one area, they read scriptures or looked at scripture stories or books. In the next area they wrote in journals. Joelle can't write yet, but she drew a picture of things she did this past week, then Brian wrote down the date and what it was a picture of on the back. In the next station the girls got to spend time with me. Joelle practiced her reading by reading a book to me, Jillise and I used the time to pass of a Faith in God activity. For the last station, the kids get one on one time with Brian. It could be used as a Father/Child interview, just to chat, to read a story, work on Faith in God, whatever.

I think that 15 minutes was a bit short. Joelle barely finished her story, and we were a bit rushed with the Faith in God activity. Twenty minutes might be just right. In the future we may add a station or two. But for today this was GREAT. The girls couldn't wait to get started when we got home from school.

After the stations I took a nap. Aaaaaahhhh. Life has been a bit crazy the past month and this was the first Sunday where I felt things got back to normal. I need to blog about Jillise birthday, baptism, Grandma Joy's visit, Katie's baby blessing, Cherise's wedding reception... and who knows what else. Man. I'm behind.

Miracles Do Happen

Tonight I was teaching a voice lesson when Jillise came RUNNING downstairs hysterically screaming. Jaren had fallen out of the window. The second story toyroom window. The window that I have been nervous about ever since he has been big enough to climb on things. I guess he was standing on something and leaning on the screen and it gave way and he went with it.

I went tearing out the door, trying to prepare myself for what I might see. What I saw was Jaren pushing himself up on his arms, crying that he was poopy. I scooped him up and brought him inside where I could look him over for broken bones or bleeding. He could move all his fingers and toes, he was talking, there was no blood. Brian was home teaching and could not be reached ANYWHERE. (Tomorrow he is having his phone surgically adhered to his hip.) I called his companions wife, who sent over her mother in law, who is a nurse. She did a quick exam, then suggested that we go to the ER just to be safe, but that everything looked good in her opinion. Jaren was in a bit of shock. He was really shaky and couldn't stand up. My voice students mom came over and volunteered to ride to the ER with me to keep Jaren awake. Her daughter stayed with my girls (poor Jillise was in hysterics still). I said a prayer with the girls and with Jaren that everything would be okay. Our home teacher lives around the corner, so he came over and gave Jaren a blessing. He blessed him that all would be well physically and that there would be no lasting emotional or bodily trauma.

We got to the ER and got taken right back to a room. Jaren was more awake by now and was talking and moving around. He was able to walk for the doctor. They pushed and prodded and rubs and looked. He didn't even have a SCRATCH on him. Literally. No broken skin. The doctor ordered a CAT scan to be safe. Jaren was SO good during the scan. He stayed still and we sang Popcorn Popping. The doctor said he gets the best kid of the year award. The scan came back normal and we are back home -- three hours after it all started.

I went back to the side of the house to get a better look. He landed on dirt. It has been raining, so the dirt was very soft. Six inches away from where he landed is a retaining wall made of railroad ties. Six inches to the right is the metal air conditioning unit. He landed in just the right way, in just the right place that everything is fine. He is safe. He is upstairs reading books with Brian (who I'm sure was very shocked to come home to find my voice student and the neighbor sitting on the couch, with hysterical girls, no son, and no wife).

I am so grateful for a Heavenly Father who watches out for us. Who not only protected my son, but placed people around me who could help when I was too panicked to know what to do. For a home teacher who was home and worthy to come give him a blessing at the drop of a hat when my husband could not be reached. I know I am blessed. My brain keeps going over what COULD have been and I just want to throw up. I still just might.

Hug your little ones tonight. You never know what could happen in the blink of an eye.

A New Fun Way...

...to avoid cleaning!!

My mom got me a really fun set of books for my birthday on making cookie, candy, and fruit bouquets. True to my obsessive, impulsive nature, I went out and bought supplies this week and made these for my visiting teach-ees:

I think only one of them reads this blog, so the rest will be surprised. These were really fun to make and the decorating was much less time consuming than I thought. I went through two different batches of sugar cookies before I found one that didn't rise so much that it obscured all of the nice lines from the cookie cutters. The biggest mess was made by my kids, who were given the left over frosting and the cookies that were too puffy. My dining room table is covered with pastel blobs, crumbs, and sprinkles. Oh well. All in the name of a good time, right?

Be on the lookout for other really cute gifty things. These books just had WAY too many fun ideas in them!

Mmmm... Cake...

Is this not the cutest cake EVER??? So sassy!

I found it on this blog that I stalk: http://thegoodapple.blogspot.com/ She has the most AMAZING cookies and cakes on there. And she is relatively new to cake/cookie decorating. She took all the Wilton classes just a few years ago. I tell ya, some people got it. I don't. So I just check out her blog and admire her creativity and patience. My birthday is in a week. Do you think a cake like that would survive the USPS?

Mmmmm Mmmmm Good

(Since this is St. Patrick's Day (Happy Birthday, Dad!!) I will use the obligatory green font color.)

I have another product endorsement.

I am back on the weight loss wagon. Again. I'm on week two. It seems that I am all or nothing kind of a gal. If I am eating right, I am exercising. If I am exercising, I am eating well. So the law of physics says that if I am NOT doing one of those things, I am not doing the other, either. One of my biggest problems is that I do not like to deny myself when it comes to food. I have a hard time choosing something small and tasteless when I could have something filling and delicious. That's why I love these:

YUM-O!! And here's a trick: when I make them, I use unsweetened applesauce instead of oil, I use egg substitute instead of whole eggs, so it adds NO FAT. I will often sprinkle some ground flax seed in there too. It adds a trace amount of fat, but it adds all sorts of good stuff, too -- like even more fiber. And the muffins are moist and yummy and they have only 3g of fat, and 5g of fiber per muffin. Yay!!! I can have two for a snack with a big glass of water or fat free milk and I am good until dinner.

Here is my weight loss chain I have hanging in my kitchen:

Every link represents a pound. After I pass the weight on that link, I can tear it off and move on to the next one. Every fifth one is yellow and it means I get a reward. There are seven links in the last set, but that's because I am my mother's daughter and I needed to land on a nice round number. Once I reach that weight I get something BIG.

SO... Bunco gals... if you see me stuffing my face on Thursday, STOP ME. Maybe I will bring some muffins to share...