I had another post up there for about two hours but I have decided to take it off. I still kinda feel that way, but I hate being melodramatic. I am normally very level headed and non-emotional. No need for that stuff to play itself out on a public site.
I was called back for Mrs. Potts. I am dealing with various emotions. The greatest being that I think I am mourning the loss of my young self. I am facing the fact that while I LOVE my life and my kids, this is the life I chose instead of the life of being onstage, continuing to develop my talents. And now that I have more time to go back and dabble a bit in the theater I am "past my prime," so to speak. And I just need to internalize that and deal with it.
I still don't know if I will go to the callbacks or not. It's not that I wouldn't have a great time, or that I don't think I could do the part. I am just wondering if maybe this still isn't the time for me. I would be forcing my children to make big sacrifices so I can go indulge my inner thespian. I told Lisa I would be thrilled to help coach the chorus and I still would be. I think that maybe I just need to learn to be content with where I am right now, and the AGE I am right now and just suck it up.
4 comments:
Paige, seriously you are amazing we all know that. So what if we are not in our 20's anymore, I think you are more fabulous today than ever!!!
I missed your earlier post. But I think I kinda get the idea. When I first heard about the play I conjured up all this excitement & dreams about trying out -- if only for the chorus (maybe I could be a plate or fork), not any big aspiring dreams. Just to participate, maybe. Loved that kind of stuff in HS, why not try again. But then hearing the schedule & commitment of it all started to weigh on me -- I realized it just wouldn't work in my life right now. So . . . I know what you mean.
And . . . I know what you mean about feeling "past your prime". In your mind you still see yourself as the energetic, "I can conquer the world", cute & bubbly, 19 year old. I'm not saying that you're not those things anymore -- you're just not 19 anymore. And it's hard when other people can't see your inner-19-year-old self. I once heard a quote: "growing old isn't for sissiess." Isn't that the truth.
That is a tough choice to make, but if you've got the support of your family then go for it. I'd definitely come to the performance and cheer you on!
It is hard to recognize that our inner age is not meshing with our actual age any longer, and I totally understand where you are coming from. I do hope that you go for this still, since I know how much it meant to you and I would be sad if you had regrets down the road. And who says Mrs. Potts can't be hot? Hang in there :)
sooo many things to say here so I apologize if this "comment" ends up being a novel ok??
Having a passion and a dream is what makes you who you are....yes, you are a mom and a really really good one BUT there is more to you than that and to deny yourself going after your passions will just make you sad someday...there is more to life than being a mom and once you get out there and be PAIGE for a while it will probably make you a happier, more content mommy....i hope this makes sense....it is definitely something i am learning ALOT lately...I gave up so much of me for my kids (totally worth it) but I am kind of getting some of myself back lately and it feels soo good and yes, there is the guilt but WHY???? I think it is just important for those kiddos to see their mom follow her dreams because later on down the road they will do the same thing because of you...ya know?? ultimately it is about being "out there" doing what you love....and if you are a cute teapot instead of belle WHO CARES??!! you will rock the house girlie....i hope you go for it (and i hope you continue to chase your dreams....it's important!!)
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