Joy

I have been doing quite a bit of reflection lately on joy. What is it? What makes us happy? What makes us UNhappy? My friend Candy did a fabulous Relief Society lesson on this a few weeks ago on how PURE joy comes from a full understanding of the atonement and the ability to be worthy enough to take advantage of that gift. This got my wheels turning, but it was watching the events in two friends lives that really made me start to think. I know one of these friends reads my blog, I doubt the other one does. I really don't want to offend ANYONE, this is just my observation of what is shown on the outside and how I perceive things to be.

My first friend grew up in a very active LDS family but quickly went inactive upon leaving home after high school. Married someone with the same background. Both are FABULOUS people. Their wedding was *so* wonderful. I enjoyed keeping in touch with them through the years. Both are very successful at what they do. They built a gorgeous house. They have a beautiful daughter. They are very busy. Both became involved in spiritualism and self mastery. They are the ones who got me hooked on being fit. They are amazingly healthy and beautiful and they work hard to maintain that. I was in awe that they were SO disciplined that they ate 100% clean and structured six days out of the week. No cheating. At all. They were so patient with me when I COULDN'T do that. But they fully believed that I could do ANYTHING I set my mind to do. They are charitable and give to others. They quote the Tao and meditate. They take excursions to other countries to study their spiritual traditions.

For years I was convinced that they were happy, living out their dreams and finding their destiny. Lately I have been working more closely with them as I am on my latest weigh loss push -- communicating with them more frequently. And I started to see things I hadn't seen before. I noticed things. Like that the searching they are doing for a higher "plane" of existence is never ending. One philosophy negates another. And their searches were taking them in different directions. Instead of working together toward one unified goal, they were searching for whatever resonated with them as individuals. I found that even with all of their giving and sharing and working to build up others, their marriage was failing.

When they first told me their philosophy "there is no right and wrong," I found it quite strange and I was interested to see how they taught that concept to their daughter. I knew from my experience with my own kids that they need to be taught and given boundaries. The more I thought about it, I realized that the reason I couldn't wrap my head around it is because it goes against the basic laws of the universe that we are taught in the scriptures. Adam had to eat of the fruit so he COULD know right from wrong. So he could experience Health and Sickness. Pleasure and Pain. JOY and Sorrow. Without one, there isn't the other. So if the world has no right and wrong, then we cease to feel. I came to see that through all of that self mastery and meditation and study, they may be finding knowledge of new things and ideas, and maybe some peace, but not happiness. I would venture to say they are probably more confused than when they started. And the fact that they are now searching alone, without each other, is the very epitome of sadness, if you ask me.

I even started to notice through facebook updates that the strict diet had led them to forget just how much fun eating good food WHEN you want to eat it can be. Or just going out with friends and living life -- even if it doesn't bring you to a higher understanding of the universe. All things in moderation.

My second friend was raised in the gospel. I've known her my whole life. Great LDS family. She married in the temple and has four fantastic kids. They moved into a house with room for the kids to play, but I don't think it was anything new or fancy. She worked hard to live frugally and was even able to save up enough to surprise her husband with a trip to Europe so they could visit where he served his mission. Her husband is a teacher/coach and she stays at home to raise their young children.

A year and a half ago, her husband was diagnosed with stage four cancer in the esophagus. Statistically, the long term outlook for this type of cancer is not good. There were fasts held, and blessings were given. The community rallied around them. Friends redecorated her living room. Teachers gave up their sick leave so he could still receive paychecks while recovering from chemo and radiation. Her blog was ALWAYS optimistic and upbeat. They kept a sense of humor about things. I'm sure that they had moments of sadness and fear, but the prevailing attitude was one of faith. This battle with the cancer has been a roller coaster. Great news, followed by questionable PET scans. Hair growing back in and weight being gained again, only to be told that they have to do another round of chemo. I think it is natural to be on the outside of this situation and wonder how we would fare if we were IN it. I would like to think that I would be a strong as they have been, but I don't know.

What really made me realize the depth of her faith was when I did my blog post about joining the weight loss challenge. On Sunday night she contacted me and let me know that this is JUST what she needed and that she wanted to do it, too. Not a huge deal, until you know that her husband was scheduled to have surgery the very next day to remove another tumor from his neck. A surgery that had many question marks attached to it. They didn't know if the tumor would be connected to any major arteries or veins. Or if they would get in there and find that they cancer had spread to other organs or lymph nodes, requiring more surgery and chemo... or worse.

A weaker person (ie, ME) would have thought, "Gee, I would love to do that type of a contest, but I just can't commit to that right now. Who KNOWS what is going to happen tomorrow during the surgery and I don't want to be out my $50 before I even get started!!" But she didn't. She said, "I need to do this for ME, I have faith that Heavenly Father is in control and I will be able to handle whatever happens and I am going forward with faith." Okay, she didn't really say that, but that is what struck me when she made this commitment. Oh, and by the way -- the surgery was wildly successful. The tumor was connected to the body with fine layers of fat they could cut along (what chemo patient has layers of fat in their neck???) to remove the tumor. Of all 11 lymph nodes biopsied, all 11 came back clear. This is nothing short of amazing.

So... what does all of this mean? Who knows. I guess it was just an informal case study on two people whose life situations started off the same, but who chose different paths. And this is just my perception of their situations. I know that there are lots of things that go on in both of their lives that I DON'T see, but I have to go off of what I noticed as an observer.

I want to move forward with faith. I don't ever want to be stuck treading water in the pool of life (ha!) because I don't have the faith to take those first strokes into the unknown. I don't want to become so wrapped up in being healthy, or rich, or well dressed, or well read, or well travelled that I miss what is important.

"Adam fell that men might be. And men are that they might have JOY." 2 Nephi 2:25

Our Heavenly Father sent us to this earth to gain a body. To have experiences and be tested. But everything about this earth and our bodies just strengthens my testimony that we are here to do more than that. Our bodies can experience excitement, happiness, exuberance, love. This world is SO full of beautiful things. Delicious food. Awe inspiring things to experience. All of these things were put here by a God who wants us to enjoy them. He didn't have to do that. If all we needed was a body and to be tested, it could be done in a much more horrible looking place, with bodies that can't do half of what ours do. But He wants us to have JOY. To feel the happiness that comes from enjoying the blessing we are given, serving others, and living to our full potential. To feel the JOY that comes from being forgiven of our sins. From knowing that we have the chance to start over when we have fallen down. The JOY that comes from knowing that Jesus Christ suffered so that he could be empathetic to all of our pains, sorrows, and sadness -- and that he is ready and willing to take those pains and sadness away from us if we just ask. The JOY that comes from knowing that my family can be together for ETERNITY. The JOY that comes from having the priesthood in my home -- that my husband holds the ability to act in Jesus' name to bless and protect our family. And to speak to us through blessings the words of peace and comfort that only Heavenly Father and the Holy Ghost can give.

I want to live a life of JOY. A life full of so much faith and gratitude that there is no room for doubt, fear, or discouragement. A life where maybe someday someone could observe ME from afar and marvel at my faith and happiness despite life experiences the way I observed my friend. Because THAT is why I am here.